Why They Love Me

Currently playing:

"Big Mistake" by Natalie Imbruglia

I just can't say "no".
And I would say that I love being used and abused.
Well,
saying "no" is the hardest and the last thing that I would do.
I was raised to always give in.
Until somebody asked me to do something and not even bother to think of what I need to go through.
I am not complaining,
or asking for any retribution.
I just realized something.

I obliged to his request because he's poking his gun between my cracks,

but then he declared that he just can't pull the trigger when I was about to give in.

He's such an ezzwhole,

as always.

Well,

men love me since I was a child.

They seemed to adore my vulnerability.

They don't always have to ask me to do what they want me to do.

I follow their orders.

I comply to satisfy their expectations

-down on my knees.

I've Been Looking for...

Currently playing:

"Say What You Want" by Texas

I've been looking for a song that I last heard so many years ago mostly played in NU.
The song goes with the follwing lines on the chorus:
"I'm a slob,
that's why you love me,
that's why you hate me too.."

I already google-ed it but I think the song was written when internet cafes charged $5 per hour.

The Afternoon Show

Currently playing:

"Lazy" by Marilyn Monroe

I just slept for 5 hours today and my body's already whining.
And I'm working.
Yes,
and please don't ask anymore.
Now I want to complain why I have to keep on working!
This is getting boring.
Blame it all to The Urbin Legend,
Señora Bella Aldama,
Beatriz Aurora Pinzón Solano,
and Rob Pengson.
It was so hard to say "no" to them.
Don't ask why.

Clogged!

Currently playing:

"Stupid Girl" by Garbage

(t's becoming redundant)

He is so stupid!

It's the Pretty Fly for a White Fag that I'm talking about.
Well,
I've heard from a close friend that he's really dumb but I just tend to ignore it.
I don't believe in things if I don't prove it myself.

Aaaarrrggghhhh!
I just got into him,
and ugh!
He really is stupid!

I just wanna tell you how frustrating when stupidity becomes a trend,
and I don't want anybody to be dumber than me.

It's a relief if I'll be the dumberest.

Gaaaahhnnn!

Signs and Symptoms

Currently playing:

"Could It Be I'm Falling Inlove" by The Spinners

"I was chilling this morning as I lie down on my bed,
I can smell your skin on my sheets.
You haven't been here yet.
Is this a sign?"

"I got up and checked my body temperature,
everything's normal yet I'm still having hots for you."

Ugh!

What am I talking?

R emailed me last night asking why I did not greet him.
I sent an SMS on the day of his birthday but he already changed his number.
If it's his way to reconcile then he got his birthday gift from me.
Case closed.

I'm physically unwell.
I think I have pour out all my energy for the past few days and I've been too lazy to recharge.
Or maybe,
this is the cause of falling into the cliff of friendship and love.
Damn,
I'm inlove again.
That's the only thing that I know right now.
What a weakling!

Ugly Bitchy

Currently playing:

"Bad Girl" by Madonna

My friend,
R aka Ms. Understood,
just broke up with his boyfriend slash live-in partner for a year.
I told him that we're already done with the "lend me your ears" stage so it's about time that we'll do the litigation.
But he preferred the psychiatric way of questioning:

Me: So you and J's really over?
R: Yes.
Me: I don't think you are.
Me: You're still living together.
R: He's planning to move out in a couple of months.
Me: Then you and him's still heading for a big reconcillation.
R: No.
R: He's already decided.
Me: And it's fine with you?
R: Yes.
Me: That you and him's over?
R: Y-yes.
Me: You let go of him because you no longer love him?
R: No.
R: I still love him.
Me: What the f...???

My point in this conversation is that you don't let go of someone when you're still inlove.
Deciding to break-up with someone that you love is nonsense,
it's just a spur of the moment or supposed to be a threat.
Even if the other person no longer loves you but you're still having the nuts over him/her then you don't let him/her go.

R: Everybody has a different way of thinking.
Me: But love shouldn't be treated with your own ways.
Me: You treat love as love.
Me: And if there's no more love then it's no longer love.
R: You bitch!
R: You think you're an expert?
Me: You fag!
Me: You think you're an expert letting go of someone you still love and then think of his happiness because you still love him?
Me: Fag!
R: Let's order breakfast.

A Serious Joke

Currently playing:

"Deep" by Hungry Young Poets

It's always easy to pretend that you're inlove with someone,
but it's hard to pretend that you're not inlove with him.

Ugh!

The Chocolate Almond Diet

Currently playing:

"King of Pain" by Alanis Morissette

The days of the doomed's coming.
I'm bound for starvation.
I'm happily broke and I'm only certain that I'll enjoy my last 2 meals until tomorrow.
Blame the newly-renovated Collonade when I was tempted to spend my budget on their newly-painted wing.
Aaaarrrggghhh!

Now to empathize with my week-long dilemma,
my friend A told me that she is also forcing herself with the not-so-new diet program,
starvation.
Well,
it worked wonders for me last summer,
since I successfully shed 27 pounds and finally posed again like Heather Kuzmich on my photos.
M,
the dike,
also approached me and asked my secrets,
my poor diet publicity was unbelievable since people would still caught me eating full meals with 2 cups of rice.
I tiold her that I'm into a chocolate almond diet.
Of course,
that was just a lie,
now M floats instead of walking.
I'll soon fly with her.

One Way Ticket to Hell

Currently playing:

"Not My Idea" by Garbage

One thing that I really hate is when people starts putting words in my mouth.
Hello?
It's my mouth!
Not your words.

Cebu Pacific is giving out free tickets to Davao and I have no plans of getting into the zero-fare craze.
I have my plans set for the next 3 months and going home is out of the basket.
I have my own reasons and I don't like people getting ahead of my plans.
Now,
this friend is bragging his ticket like getting his share of 1 kilo NFA rice without lining up.
We were happy for him,
but he seemed so bitter on why I did not bother to avail the promo.
Worst,
he accused me that I'm just being jealous because it's already too late for me to avail the promo.
What the...???
This is the same person who keeps on insisting that I have feelings for this guy that I hated for a month now.
The same person who would always try to tell me on what to do,
what to feel and what to say.

I am not easily affected by other people but since this person's also a friend of mine,
he really knows best on how to get into my nerves.
But that's the farthest way he can go and there's no way I'd allow any other person to pull my arm-strings.
He thought it was very glamorous of him to say it in my face but I looked around and I don't see that he's got an audience.
I just made a short statement that there's nothing that I need to be jealous of,
even if he got free tickets to Rome and fly the next day and never come back again.
It only happens that all people are not like him.
What I told him was just enough to zip his mouth and swallowed the words that he was trying to feed me earlier.

Now,
it's official,
he's the 2nd person that I really hate.
For now.

Ces soir?

Currently playing:

"Lady Marmalade" by Patti Labelle

I've had so much fun for the past few days with the Voulez Vous peps,
they're my friends from the show.
Jan,
(not my boyfriend Jan)
a former rockstar (who's still delicious) with two kids and a live-in partner.
Marie Antonette,
(not Kirstin Dunst),
a genX-er who doesn't say "pass" on shots.
And you already know Radley,
and of course his partner,
Jacky.
There'd also random appearances by JP and my former direct handler,
Janry's ex-girlfriend,
Nette.
These are the very few good (or bad influences) people I've been going out recently.
It's really fun because I'm beginning to enjoy drinking (cases of cases of beer) again until we pass out.
Until we see our thumbs out from the pocketholes.
Until we'll all realize that we need to end our friendship or our lives we'll be wasted everyday.
Who am I talking to?

Mr. (Oh So) Right

Currently playing:

"Maybe It's You" by Regine Velasquez

I'm falling in love.
Again.
For the nth time.

Well,
who says that you can't afford to date others when you are in a relationship?

Is FIDELITY her last name?
Then,
she must be the widow Mrs. FAITHFUL picking up LOYALTY in the wet market.

Oh,
please tell her that her daughter is here,
the queer,
dating in a relationship.

By the way,
here's the reason why I'm soaring in a love mode these days.
My Mr. (Ohhhhh so...) Right:

All That Clutters...

Currently playing:
"Stupid Girl" by Garbage

My sister would always advise me to do my solistic therapy whenever I'm confined with monroeism.
I grew up keeping boxes of clutters which my sister would refer to as my emotional box.
When things get rough,
I'd just stay at home and lock myself in the room and throw all what's inside the boxes on the floor.
These are all of my favorite things with sentimental value as per se.
It mostly contains of papers;
letters,
books,
paperclips,
valuable pens,
painting materials
old diaries,
invitations,
souvenir items,
tickets,
pictures,
chocolate wrappers,
jewelries,
accessories,
broken watches
miniature toys,
cassete tapes,
vhs tapes,
outfits,
bags,
tags,
etc.

Then I'd start to decide which one is for keeps,
what to discard and recycle.
It would usually take 3-5 days for me to put it back to its own boxes and it's considered an achievement if I'd be able to discard one box of trash.

After doing so,
I'd feel the relief and somehow gain some peace of mind.
All ready to fix my life then.

There are so many things that I want to get rid out of my system,
yet it seems so hard to get all the things that you exactly want in life but it's the art of giving without taking,
spending without earning.
And sometimes,
it's always hard to decide to let go of something that's very important for you,
and the irony is,
these important things has no value at all.
That's the most dramatic part of this entry.

Back to the present.
I couldn't afford to bring all my beautiful garbage boxes when I moved here.
And for more than 2 years of living in the Queen City,
I had stuffed a big box of garbage on top of my hanging closet,
and had lived a beautiful messy-rable life.
I had slowly ditched irrelevant collections and disposed bad memorabillas.
I turned my room as zen-ic as possible.
This would somehow shelter my toxicated life.

Until I found something...

Monroefying Moments

Currently playing:
"Till The Day I Die" by Garbage

The time has finally come.
I'm suffering from monroeic syndrome again.
I'd say t's the most challenging state of my sanity this year.
A totally different from my diva-ish moments or the 2-year old mid-20s crisis cycle.

I exhausted myself with lots of contemplation for the past 47 hours,
I'm still strucked of the thought dying in my sleep.
The idea of death does not terrify me but the sense of dying plainly scares the hell out of me.
I just couldn't allow it.
I have sworn that I'll be dead by 36,
that's 12 years from now,
and it has to be a graceful death no matter what it takes.
But right now,
I'm petrified.
Maybe,
it's the illusion of the ghoul from my dream.
Or maybe,
it's the ugly truth that I'm not yet ready to pose for my wake.
A cliche.
Death is unpredictable.
Achievable but morbid.

11th Life

Currently playing:

"Hush" by Kula Shaker

I dropped by at R&J's place yesterday after lunch for a drink.
R and I gulped a bottle of beer and forked a can of sausage.
I left past 2 in the aftenoon and I remembered that I took my breakfast at around 7 in the morning.
I stopped at the University Kiosk and ordered pork & beans and slept past 4.

Suddenly,
I woke up in my dreams with a ghoul holding my head trying to twist my body on the futon.
I couldn't see him but I can feel the great force.
I tried to resist but I couldn't move.
Until I was able to shout "in Jesus' name!",
and I woke up for real and saw my room covered with total darkness.
I can still see and feel the shadows slumped on the wall.
I got up and turned on the lights.

I went back to sleep.

Butt Off!

Currently playing:
"Andre" by L7

Gone are the sweet lovey-dovey days.
This is reality.
And there's so much pain to face.
And so little time to laze.
So long,
dreamlover I'm out of the sheets.
I just woke up and found my soul wandering on a one-way street.
Aren't we supposed to meet half-way?
You left me astray.
My heart's starting to break,
and I'm gasping for air to breath.

I wanna quit smoking as much as I wanna be with you!

One Missed Call

Currently playing:

"Everlasting Love" by Jamie Cullum

From Ichi.

What the..?

It's 6:29 in the morning,

why he's calling?

So I dialled his number but he's out of reach.

Well,

he's always out of reach,

eversince.

The Wedding Date

Currently playing:

"Lay All Your Love on Me" by Abba

We were dining at The Marco Polo last weekend when I got a call from my bestfriend,

Yaya.

We were talking in nipponglish so I have to get out of the Mandarin Dining Room and stand behind the divider-wall.

A former client bumped on me and asked me to join her in a wedding reception that she’s attending.

I spared a minute for a chit-chat on their assigned table.

And one of the groomsmen asked permission if he can occupy the vacant seat beside me.

I said,

"sure!"

And he said:

"Thanks!

My name is Chris."

"I-I’m F.",

And there I was,

frozen for 11 sec.

The pianist played the most romantic keys arranged,

and suddenly,

I floated in the air.

I said to myself,

"I finally found you."

Then,

I looked at him.

He caught me right there,

with his smile,

his gaze,

I remember the very first time I had a crush on someone.

The first time I fell inlove.

But there's more to that tweety-tummy feeling.

It's like finding the brightest light in deep darkness.

It was all so right.

And you wouldn't want to miss that chance with a very little mistake.

I have to tell him now before it's too late.

I shouldn't miss our chance.

This is more than serendepity.

Ask him.

Now.

"Hmmm...

Chris.

That's a nice angle there.

Let me take your picture."

"Wow!

Sure,

F!"

His smile became more angelic.
And I saw rose petals slowly pouring like snows.

I swore from that very moment,

and whispered.

"He is the one.

The right one."

For now.

On Snatching Boyfriends

Currently playing:
"Diamonds Are a Girl's Bestfriend" by Marilyn Monroe

First man who came in.

It's PJC.
I think I named him Pete5 on my previous entries.
He's my ultimate crush from the office for 2 years.

Nice.
Rich.
Cute.
Rich.
Intelligent.
Rich.
Sweet.
And rich.

He's the youngest son of Cebu's pioneering hotelier married to an optalmologist.
Very rich.
A girl-magnate.
D was one of his victims.

He's currently on a relationship,
or should I say,
just recently confirmed his relationship with her.
Now he's on a relationship,
I find him more attractive.
Richer.
Fuller.
And I wanna be his bitch.

Talking about snatching boyfriends.
I was once accused by one of my bestfriends,
Rover,
of having this stealing-stellar tendencies.
I can't blame him looking at me with grandeur.
He's been a witness on some of my relationships in the past.
Until the last person he thought that I snatched from someone was his boyfriend.
But he totally misunderstood everything.
We're still not talking for years.
He wouldn't allow me.
That was a normal part of our friendship.

I couldn't recall stealing somebody else's boyfriend or from someone that I know.
There were attempts though.
Or you can count those attached or married men from my series of one-night stands,
who cares I don't even know their names.

Going back to Rover.
He initially accused me when he found out that I was still seeing my very first love,
ARL,
who's already married.
My disclaimer's I already had a mutual relationship with ARL since highschool.
Then there was Shine,
who happens to be our bestfriend's highschool sweetheart.
I stole his attention but it doesn't mean that I stole his love from her.
Or whatever?
And there were some instances that Rover was aware that I slept with some male friends who's in a relationship,
I just couldn't believe he's got a list of all my guilty pleasures and slam it on my face fiercefully.

Another thing's Rover and I would both lust over the same guy and end up beating each other.
It was just all for fun for me while it's eveything but serious for him.
We met this guy in a cheap live bar some years ago.
This guy approached me in the washroom asking me to join him for a drink.
I declined his bottle of beer since I was already boozed with Vodka.
I forwarded the invitation to Rover and the next thing I know,
he already purchased the guy with a college education plan.
They have been on for years,
and soon after the guy graduated from college,
he dumped Rover.

Finally,
after Rover recovered from his boyscholar,
we met another hot stud in the same bar.
Almost the same scenario.
and the same me.
awkward and hesitant.
Rover's more good in dealing and talking to hot strangers,
so hotstud became the latest replacement of boyscholar.
They were dating for months,
and I never thought that hotstud was one of the reason why our friendship for 6 years was ruined.
Rover caught hotstud locking himself inside the washroom
-with me.
Again,
it was just all for fun for me while it's eveything but serious for Rover,
and so for hot stud.
Who would fuck inside a crowded washroom?
And who would do that with your bestfriend's presence?
Whatever?
The damage has been done.
Rover would rather lose his bestfriend first before losing his guy.

Ooopssss...
Got a call.

By the way,
my new character's name is SERPENTINA.

You KnowYou Love Me

Currently playing:

"Sweetheart" by Mariah Carey

Someone asked me out for a date!

But I no longer know how to behave on a date.

I get totally preoccupied.

I find it very awkward.

Uhhnnn...

I'd rather hit the bed right away.

Then,

we could talk.

Get to now each other while we both stare at the ceiling.

And when there's nothing to say,

we can close our eyes or look at each other.

Then,

we can kiss and tell if we could connect.

Date?

Maybe next time.

I'd rather sleep,

right now.

Kanojo in ReaLives

Currently playing:
"Just a Girl" by No Doubt

September 7th, 2008

The Kanojos' turned 6 years last August 08.

We had a mutual celebration.
Two of us are here in Cebu,
working.
The other two's in Davao,
also working.

We met in college.
Destiny,
as we call it.
And we are keeping it,
forever.

It was my last chance to college.
I have been dropping out in college for 5 years straight causing my sister's distrust.
And that was the only time that I've decided to finish school.
Yet my sister set the rules,
chose the school for me,
and my course.
I bit the bullet.
Maybe I was already tired working and being a wild sheep for 5 years.
And I was consumed with the ugly realizations,
as I thought studying was the answer.
And then,

I was the last student to enroll at MKD.

Darl stopped going to her former university when her mom found the newly-founded school as a big chance for her very good child.
The school's propaganda is a promising career in the land of the rising sun as soon as their pioneering batch will earn a degree from their institution.
It was just a propaganda.
I remember Darl the first time I saw her.
She was wearing a yellow blouse and a black pencil-skirt.
She looked 10 years older her actual age.
I thought she was one of the faculties.
This became a recurring joke everytime we'd recall our college days.

Ces,
Rosel's gallant unica hija,
often mistaken a tomboy (this also becomes an issue on our fourth year being friends),
and an ultimate spoiled brat.
She was one of my first few friends on the first day of school.
Brat!
Brat!
Brat!
Yet the sweetest!
Her family's always aiming for her best,
and they thought that the school was the best place for their princess.

And our girl,
Jez.
She was the last one who came,
and never left.
Her family runs montessory schools.
Youngest girl in the family,
and referred as the black sheep in the girls of 2 just like her kuya.
They lived in a subdivision near the school so I think there's no need to explain.

The friendship started with hello and a toast of mixed pineapple juice and gin after lunchbreaks.
Cutting English classes to play billiard at Simon's place.
(Just for a note: Simon's a hottie daddy.)
It evolves with great love and care when we started shaking all the karaoke bars beer bong-ing.
And was strengthen with deep understanding and loyalty founding charity works on Sundays to chase Empire with grape juice at the end of the day.

And then...

Kyouryoko na Kanojo

Currently playing:
"Dangerous Type" by Letters to Cleo

September 6th, 2008

The Manga Series

"Kyouryoko na Kanojo" (The Magical Girlfriends) is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by an anonymous nikkei-jin known as Himiko with an anime adaptation.
The series was inspired from the PCTV Teen show,
The ReaLives.
It is also known as "Kanojo".
The maiden issue was released on October of 2002.
Followed by Volume 2 (Cloned) on January of 2003 and Volume 3 (Revival) on June the same year.
Sad thing that there was no more follow-up issues released for a couple of years.
Until an insider revealed that Himiko teamed up with a Japanese jetsetter named Misuko who promised to bring Kanojo back to the comic stands early next year.



The Plot and the Main Characters
--------------------------------------------
The main story follows this four juveniles who got mystical powers and became friends in resolving the mysteries that surfaces in the Daigaku.
Although it basically evolves on the lives of the students in Daigaku,
the protagonists vitally touches the stories of the other characters in the series.
The writer creatively did a tell-tale of friendship in an anime genre.

Born on different seasons,
each of the character was written based on intertwined destiny and fate.

Himawari Ono a.k.a Hi is the Sun's daughter who was thrown out to earth when the sun hits the milky way.
She was then raised by an artist earthling couple.
Hi grew up as a well-mannered and a refined lady although she has inferiority issues at times.
Her kind nature allows her to keep her real identity.
A firestarter.
When she's outraged,
she can no longer control blowing fires.

Ryo Sekino a.k.a Chikara was raised by his grandfather,
he was the last surviving son of a Yakuza.
His mean nature is his defense mechanism.
He always goes out of character when he's in threat.
He then became the leader of the group.
Chikara is the primary protagonist of the series.
Obstracized by the Daigaku Head and by his sister,
he then developed a special relationship with Ichiru,
his professor.
His ultimate goal is to cleanse the Daigaku from the evil dwellers and to find his lost father.

Yuujin Shigeru a.k.a as Tomo is a rich spoiled-brat.
A dance revo master with martial arts skill.
Her power's a natural result from intensive training,
she also has the ability of acquiring and absorbing powers from her nemesis,
though this often results drastic changes of her skills which would always put her on risks.
As a child,
she grew up being taunted by other kids,
spending most of her time alone mastering on things that would caught her attention.

Michiko Sayaka a.k.a Ko was earlier introduced as a powerless character who witnessed a mysterious massacre of a family in Nagoya while babysitting.
A sudden twist was written along the series were she was also killed and her soul was revived by the nosey child fairy in order to solve the first Daigaku mystery.
She has the funniest character and the most flexible powers among the four.
With her childish traits,
Ko mainly brings out the human side of the other characters.

***

My Name is Came Some Song

Currently playing:
"Koo Koo" by Moonpools and Caterpillars

September 5th, 2008

Been very busy for the past few weeks.
As usual.
I'll always be.
Work keeps me busy.
And if not,
I'm always busy dreaming.
Busy in love.
Well,
my life is a redundant lovesong.

Here's an irrelevant recap if you want to know where I've been and what I've been doing with my so-called dragged life:

The Reality Show Girl

I accidentally got in the network's newest (waste of) talent search program,
"Shoot for the Stars!"
The show has been running on the air for the past 3 months.
The First Season was a huge success so the producers decided to extend the show by adding another Wave,
as an alternative to batch.
Some of the artists picked for Wave 2 declined at the last minute so an immediate audtion has been held.
And there was Wave 3.
Ane there I was.
I was all but thinking and feeling negative about joining the show.
I'd even swore that I'll never ever be in this show.
It's a wholesome show and I am not.
I'm too transparent and the show requires filters.
And to think,
it's a live show!

Fast forward.

Most of the casts from the Breakfast Club was offered to join the show.
I was hesitant at first,
but,
call it peer pressure,
I said "yes".
And I'm here,
queerer than ever!

Out of the Closet Queen versus The Closet Queen

Sometime in between,
C and I parted ways.
Read my previous entries for details.
I already swore not to talk about it anymore.

Armandos and Fetch

And along came,
Ben.
And,
my labs!
And,
all the men of my life!
Gasp!
I'm inlove.
As always.

All New Season TFJD

I sacrificed watching Kim Sam Soon for this new task.
I sacrificed my weekends.
I sacrificed a lot of things!
But I will never sacrifice one thing,
love!

Uhhhnnn...
Got to go!

SePtEmVeeR QuEErS

Currently playing:

"Queer" by Garbage

Just a quicky post.

Been up for the past 37 hours.
My eyes' already popping out from my ears.
Got really hooked with my latest find.

Finally found the link to the Ervin Legend!

Yeah!

I was given one day break so I have to make the most of...
today!

But,
I really have to sleep.

Ja!

checked on the best mp3 site:
http://www.mp3glam.com/

t's just the latest find,
and "Wyatt",
and my "Armando"
-Muy Ben.