Mind Dripping

Currently playing: "Can I Go Now?" by Jennifer Love Hewitt

I'll be stuck in the office for another 30 minutes.
Just got my payroll but it seems that the promised $100 per hour OT incentive was not credited.
I didn't really bother at all,
it's just that I have a hard time to say "NO" to my directives specially if my flexibility will be in question.
What is 30 minutes?
30 minutes of blankness.
Or to make use of the blank space,
I'll just scrib down some notes.
So here's some nonsense notes for the next 30 minutes.

-I'm hating someone lately.

This someone was a former crush.
I don't remember how I feel about him more than a year ago,
everybody knows he was my crush.
And he knows that.
What he doesn't know is that I really hate his provincial ways.
He's not good-looking but he's presentable.
He's not that presentable but pleasant to be with.
He's not really pleasant but he's nice.
He's nice and we're good friends.
I just can't imagine why I liked him in the first place.
He is the type of guy who's not willing to risk his conventional lifestyle.
He's not daring enough to have a make-over and he's stucked to becoming a single for decades since his last relationship.
He's straight and he's discriminating,
but again,
he's nice to me.


-I'm letting go of all the men in my life.

That's what I'm trying to work on right now.
Big Mac's slowly fading out of the picture.
I got tired with his inconsistency.
I'm fed up understanding why he just can't get in touch in a week,
in a month,
so I guess he can do it for a year,
and for the rest of his life.
So,
I'll just wait and see what's in store for us.
But hoping is not part of the plan.
I shouldn't hope and long for him.

Next is Babytoy.
I think I already buried my love for him together in his father's grave.
It's the love that I swore from his mother's grave.
And he had made me feel like a corpse during our relationship.
Yes,
our relationship was set with his own rules which doesn't work for the law of the Goddess,
so i think I'm giving up.
He can keep the picture on his profile with his maid.
Bitter?
Yeah,
slightly.
But I feel better now.

Ichi?
Hmm...
I've been moving on over him eversince I fell inlove with him.
That was for four years of loving him everyday and him breaking my heart and me trying to recover and survive his bitter-sweet love in a daily basis.
But,
I think I'm finally over him.
I'm so so over with everybody.


-I'm not going to visit the Blue Room again.

It's just a NO for now.


-I'm giving Ervin another year.

That's my current state of mind.