The Witch and the Wardrobe

Currently playing: "The Queen And I" by Gym Class Heros

My classmate from college, Luther send me an SMS on how he remembered me and my friend Crizzel from the main characters of the famous teenage TV show "Gossip Girl". He was not able to identify who's Serena or who's Blair among the two of us.

Crizzel's one of my bestfriends from college. He's a tough bitch who's got a taste for high-end fashion while people thinks that I'm a drama queen with diva issues. Since first year, Crizzel and I had been a tandem and I am now starting to recall on why and how we're called as the Mean Gays.

Bestfriends with Benefits in Japanese

Currently playing: "Can't Be Happening" by The Marlows

Ichi was my Japanese Language teacher in college, we were under his class since first year. During our time, there would be after-class parties and get-togethers. It's how we celebrate the essence of the Philippine-Japan friendship in school.

The first time I met him was on the actual RP-Japan Friendship Day and that's almost 6 years ago. There were visiting students from Japan and I was one of the school representatives to post as a Tour Guide. On the Sayonara party held for the Japanese guests, Ichi was seated next to our table together with Ono-san (a sexy Japanese hunk rumored to be a former TV child star back in Japan) and some old Japanese officials. I was with my Kanojo sisters and some other classmates drinking a former favorite drink, margarita. Of course, drinking liquor was strictly prohibited within the school's premises but I was able to mix it in a fancy pink thermostat. Most of the students would go near their tables to take pictures of the handsome duo while I was busy drinking and entertaining one of the Japanese visiting student -my first college love, Taka.

As soon as the older Japanese guests left them on their table, Ichi and Ono-san approached our table checking what triggers our merry conversation suspiciously.

"Nomi ze!", as Taka offered his shot to Ichi. We drank and mock the formality of the program that night until Ichi invited us to join the after-party which was held on the school's dormitory. The after-party was intended for the Japanese students and other Japanese guests only but we ended up sitting with them in the banquet, served and treated like VIPs.

The following night, Ichi invited me for a drink along with other students. We started drinking in Blue Post and ended up at Amados. We got along well that very night, without me knowing that I was set to lift another eewy romantic chapter of my life.

Aside from his good looks, Ichi is a well-versed person and very interesting. But I find him weird and very typical. We talked about a lot of things penetrating each other's world.

We talked about the relevance of numerology with human existence.

Me: "How old are you?"

Ichi: "Twenty three. How about you?"

Me: "Old enough."

Ichi: "Seriously?"

Me: "Eleven?"

Ichi: "Okay."

We talked about how religion divided the world into continents.

Ichi: "I was raised with Buddhism but I believe that Gandhi is a god. What's your religion?"

Me: "I am my religion."

And some other nonsense things in the world.

Ichi: "So what's your stand about the reconstruction of the Philippine-Japan relations?"

Me: "I think the new era brings new challenges to both countries, there's so much more to learn about the past."


My friendship with Ichi starts there. And then I met my new language teacher the following day.

Tales of Ichi

Currently playing: "Come Home" by OneRepublic

Got an SMS from Ichi this evening:

"I'm in Manila right now. Where are you?"


Weird. He knows I'm here in Cebu for the past 20 months. Does he know he's texting me?


"I'm in Cebu. When are you coming here?"

"I don't know yet. When are you coming back?"

"Maybe on May. What are you doing there in Manila?"

"Did you forget about this date? I'm the head of the event."


What's the event on February 22 in Manila? Is he heading the ousting of PGMA? Phlippine-Japan Friendship festival's happening on early February and his birthday's on February 11. It's around the same time when I joined The National Nihongo Speech Contest 3 years ago. I need to make sure that I can pretend that I know what he's doing in Manila and what's the event.


"Speech contest! Wow, sensei! It's happening tomorrow right?"

"Yes. Call me when you get home."

"I will. Btw, who's our rep?"

"We have Ellen and some freshmen and sophomores."

"Give my regards and wishes to Ellen and to the other contestants. I'm sure our school's gonna rock Manila again."

"As you did. I'll wait for you when you get home."

"I'll see you then. I'll check on your website tonight in the office. Hope you can also send me a newsletter of the event."

"Sure. Goodnight!"


As usual. We'd exchange text messages once in a bluemoon and would always end with goodnight.


"Good luck, sensei. I'm so proud of you. Keep in touch. Miss you love you goodnight!"


No more reply from him.

Heather Kuzmich, Jessica Zafra and David Sedaris

Currently playing: "Glamorous" by Constance Billard Choir

My friend A send me a link to read on about Heather Kuzmich's article from Wikipedia. Finding out that Heather's an eight-week top covergirl favorite and how her Aspergers Syndrome made her more famous aside from being the 9th girl to be eliminated from America's Next Top Model Cycle 9. I was able to read her interviews and got a chance to read her blogs. Heather's one of my recent favorites. But my all-time faviorite is Jessica Zafra, who's now releasing her Twisted 8. I'm taking Jessica Zafra's Twisted 8 together with David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim to Boracay.

TWISTED 8 in Cebu!

Currently playing: "Edge of the Ocean" by Ivy

Finally, Twisted 8 by Jessica Zafra's already in Powerbooks located at the Northwing 2nd Level in SM Cebu. I'm grabbing 2 copies for myself and for Bunch. Can't wait for my Twisted weekend.

My Perfect Day!

Currently playing: "Never Grow Old" by The Cranberries

14 days from now and it's gonna be my birthday! How old I am? Well, I've been 19 for 3 years, 21 for 2 years and sometimes 23.

Mom says, "Don't deal with numbers just don't ever cheat. You are only allowed to commit one mistake in your entire life, and it's to lie about your age."

Whatever.

Who's Dating Scott Stevens Now?

Currently playing: "Fever" by Peggy Lee

I received an SMS from my sister this morning:

"I'm dating Scott Stevens from The Exies."

I replied after I took a shower:

"Wow? Good for you. I'm dating Michael Vartan."

Migrating

Currently playing on youtube: "My Goddess" by The Exies

I'll be importing all the posts from my friendster account. My friends' already complaining that they spend too much time on my profile and got distructed with my current musci background.

I Go...ogled Ervin

Currently playing: "What Do I Have To Do To Prove My Love To You" by Marva Whitney

I googled Ervin's name and I got 2 returns. One is from his CSC test result and a mobile pic from photobucket.

Pricked!

Currently playing: "Hella Good" by No Doubt

I treated Ricky as my bestfriend since childhood. We live next to each other with only 4-feet high wall dividing our houselots. We go to the same school from daycare to elementary school, always in the same section. Our family used to go to the same church every Sunday and both our moms decided to give us the same Math tutor every Saturday. We're like twins born separately. I can say that I spent most of my growing up years seeing him than my sister. But he was sent to Cebu after grade six and went back home after highschool graduation.

When I saw Ricky, I realized that we're already grown-ups. He's now a hunky teenager while he'd teased me that I'm more feminine. Ricky told me the real reason why he was sent to Cebu. He found out that he's an adopted (I knew about it but it was a forbidden secret in the family) and his biological mom requested him to spend highschool with her. Ricky lived an independent liberated life in Cebu while I was left embracing the provincial life in Davao.

As what he used to do when we were kids, Ricky spend most of his time hanging out in our house. Now we're learning how to slip beers and bottles of liquors in our knapsacks after-school and tried out cigarette smoking. We would drink inside my room and listen to NU 107 or watch MTV until we pass-out. We were 1st year in college then, I worked as a part-time fastfood crew while he look after their bakeshoppe. There are times when I get home late and find him already sleeping in my room.

One night we were drinking with some other friends at a nearby convenience store, I got terribly wasted and asked Ricky to send me home. Ricky put me to bed and decided to take a nap before he goes back to the place. Ricky knows how to take care of me everytime I get drunk. He would fix me a coffee if we're drinking beers, or buy me a pint of vanilla ice cream if we take hard drinks. Then he would stuck a menthol candy in my mouth when I lie down. But this time, Ricky doesn't have any other candy except for the one that he had in his mouth.

"Oh... I forgot!", as if he forgot the most important part of our ritual.

"Never mind."

"Here.", Ricky lied on top of me sticking out the candy from his mouth.

I know he was just kidding but I was seriously craving for some candy. I stretched my neck to reach it with my lips but the next thing I know is we're sucking each other's tongue and biting each other's lips playfully. I can no longer remember who's got the candy now. We rolled on the bed and he took off his shirt. I tried to roll away from him but I'm stucked between his thighs helding me back on top of him and I landed on his chest. And the room became so quiet I can only hear the two of us breathing. And our friendship for 15 years was set to be ruined forever that night.

Bestfriends with Benefits

Currently playing: "Touch Me" by Supreme Beings of Leisure

You fell inlove with your bestfriend. You went to bed with your bestfriend. You went to bed and fell inlove with your bestfriend. You fell inlove and went to bed with your bestrfriend. These are common scenarios. And it's one of my favorite mistakes. Sometimes I would fall inlove to a friend but wouldn't want to sleep with him, and most of the time, I would go to bed with a friend but doesn't want to fall inlove with him.

Adam's Apple Sinks the Ship

Currently playing : "No Man's Woman" by Sinead O'Connor

I was 14 years old (3rd year high) when I met Adam. He's half-american who grew up in Kansas City and was brought here when he was 13 after his father died. He goes to a different school. But we became friends when he courted my bestfriend's sister.

We got along very well and Adam would frequently meet me after school and we'd go anywhere anytime. It was pure teen clean fun then since we're not yet introduced to liquors or any bises, going home beyond our curfew was the worsest offense we can commit those times. Adam would sometimes sleep in the house since we're living in the same neighborhood. And during weekends he will just go home to take a shower, change clothes, grabbed some grocery from their stockroom and we'll spend so many hours playing computer games all day and all night if we have nowhere to go.

I was able to keep one of the notes he scribbled on my Values Education notebook;

There's a blue ship and the red ship, but nothing beats our friendship. Keep your cool, keep your fire! I''m all yours all the time!

Adam has a rumored girlfriend named Monalisa, but according to him, there's nothing serious going on between them. They're just up for sex. Another rumor has it that Adam is a wanker, and that he already had an experience with gay/s. These rumors did not affect me at all or with the way I look at him. I was all but a passive bystander and I think it has nothing to do with our friendship -I just thought.

Until one day... uhnn... one morning. I woke up on my side facing Adam's chest. I'm already used waking up in this position or with both of his legs on top of me, but I feel something different this time, I literally feel something in my chest -he's having a hard-on. I tried to get back to sleep but I'm totally disturbed on what I just found out. Hello??? I'm human! I tried to turn on my back but I'm already locked up with his right leg on my side and his arm on my neck. This time, I can feel that he's moving closer and my face is already swamped on his chest. The only way that I can move back is to move down, but isn't it the wrong way? What was I'm thinking? I tried to let go by pulling down my upper body, and the effect was sliding down to his pelvis. Resist temptation, F! And I stopped. Now my face on his stomach. Just right there when I stopped, I can now feel Adam's body moving up, until his got his crotch right just into my face. I was supposed to be the snake in the Garden of Eden, but seems like Adam just offered me something that I couldn't resist, his apple. And I love apple!

I know what exactly happened that morning was purely sexual, it was all spontaneous and we're unable to resist the urge. But right after we realized that we've done something, I got up right away and locked myself inside the bathroom until he left. He got back after dinner, but I became totally cold. Maybe I was just guilty or so. I refused to talk to him. I can't even look at him straight in the eye. I would use the school's backgate everytime I see him outside the campus and take the other way home. I avoided him until I found out that he went back to Kansas the following year.

2 years later, I saw him at a pageant night where a common friend joined the contest. We were on the same row, just seats apart, he's with Monalisa. After the program, while meeting and greeting Rhea for winning the first runner-up title, our eyes accidentally meet and we 're just like strangers to each other. That was the last time that I saw him. I heard he went back to Kansas for good and got married.

Post-Valentine Overflowing Coffee Ditch!

Currently playing on my mind: "I Have the Touch" by Jewel

"How many boyfriends did you have?", Josh popped up the question which I thought he's asking me how many cups of coffee I can gulp down within an entire shift. We're now on the "coffee-after-movie-after-dinner" ditch. I preferred Gloria Jeans when I saw some of familiar faces outside Starbucks-Ayala and I'm sure we both don't wanna head to Starbucks-IT Park for worser scenarios.

"Hrrrmm... You mean serious ones or... official boyfriends?", I asked Josh a question I now asked to myself.

"Is there any difference... between serious and official?"

"Uh-h... I mean... I've had had several relationships in the past, but if you're just asking about how many, or the quantity, then I can say... uhm... a lot?"

"Okay... let me rephrase my question. How many times you've been serious?"

"I'm always serious, Josh. All my relationships were serious. Well, some are seriously serious, and some are seriously insane. Haha!"

"Hmmm... tell me about those serious relationships."

I think this is the flow that I was looking for. Natural flow of conversation. "Haha! I think you should order for the coffeemaker to be brought here on the table."

Josh laughed and quickly shifted with an expression of a child willing to learn new techniques. And the tales from the frigid past begins.

Sleeping Beauty's a Narcoleptic

Currently playing: "Under the Gun" by Supreme Beings of Leisure

Almost late. Good thing I was able to catch a fast cab down to the office. I hate it when the clock strikes so quickly everytime you rush yourself to work but when you get to the office you'll see how a split second can be divided into an atom. I love downtime but it makes me regret on the times I spent staying awake. Sleep has been on top of my priority lately and sleeping has been my favorite thing to do eversince I started to work round the clock. I would sleep the entire day, get tired of sleeping and sleep again until I get a headache then I'll let the pain go away by sleeping. My latest favorite Marilyn Monroe quote is: "I prefer sleeping at least I can dream."

I now considered myself as a minor case of narcolepsy. There were times that I feel like sleeping in an unpredicted moments, sometimes while walking, eating and -sleeping. Joke! Ugh...it's so unglamorous! Speaking about sleeping unglamorously, these are some of my most unglamorous sleeping moments

The Post-Valentine's Dinner Ditch!

Currently Playing on the neighbor's radio: "May Minamahal" by Erik Santos

I was 11 minutes late when I arrived in Ayala. I forgot to advise the cab driver that I would need to go down at the mall's main gate. He dropped me at the Business Center side instead, so I have to run across the mall to get to our meeting place. Josh's already at Oh, George! 15 minutes before our meeting time, he was pleasantly seated at the inside corner of the busy restaurant. I fell inlove with their carbonara the first time Consuelo brought me here. I know it's not an ideal place for dating that's why I suggested the place.

Josh, who seemed to be alright with my tardiness, looks gorgeous and adorable on his dark gray polo. He was always this pleasant-looking stud who always looks fresh as if he just got out from shower all the time. He smiled and tried not to look surprised with my presence on a plain F&H tangerine tee and jeans and sneakers. "Oh, George! I forgot this is a date!"

As usual, I had my caesar salad, carbonara and 2 cans of rootbeer. I was able to convince Josh to try their chicken fillet mignon and his own plate of carbonara. He glamorously devoured his food with Iced Jasmine Tea. I tried to be natural most of the time to avoid awkward moments. We took our dinner for about an hour, exchanging casual questions and answers trying to get a flow. I tried to be casual as much as possible. There were times that he would stop talking and look at me and I would look at other people and comment or look at my plate and play with the table knife. At the time when the waitress dished-out the table, I suggested to him that we share a slice of chocolate cake which he find so cute and sweet and I find it short I wanna order another slice. As I have promised, it was going to be my treat but Josh insisted to pay for the bill. I suggested we chafe-in but he asked me to pay for the movie tickets instead. As soon as we leave Oh, George! my heart begins to pound 11 times per second.

SPOTTED: Pantene Girls Reunited

Currently playing: "Whine Up" by Kat de Luna feat. Elephant Man

(Late entry for Feb. 16 post)

Meeting time was supposed to be at 7:00 p.m. It's a week-late birthday dinner surprise for Angel.

3:00 p.m. I just got back from a mission and I'm trying to catch my post-valentine's ditch with Josh at 6:00 p.m. I can't afford to cancel my meeting with the Pantene Girls again since our meeting last Sunday was dropped because I got drunk at Siegfred's birthday. So I phoned Josh and told him to move our date on Sunday and the dinner's gonna be mine at Oh, George! But Josh' no longer amenable so I really have to meet him. So I sent an SMS to Ruffa asking if it's possible to move it by 10 p.m. I got a reply from Greta insisting that we should meet at exactly 7:00 p.m. I tried to persuade both of the girls until I got a "yes". But Josh, a little bit upset and a little bit understanding called and bargained to meet me on Sunday adding a "dawn-at-the-mountainview" to the planned "coffee-after-movie-after-dinner" date. I have no choice but to say "yes".

With the 10 p.m. meeting time, I found opportunity to take some sleep since I was working overnight and the last case I handled was totally exhausting. I took some stresstabs and a gulped it with sterilized milk, and Dawn turns into a drooling sleeping beauty.

Woke up at 10:57 p.m. Got 1 million missed calls from Greta and hundreds of SMS from Ruffa. I can only imagine how furious the two girls in their Monique Lhuilliers right now.

I arrived at Cafe de France at 12:20 p.m. The two girls forgave me when I offered to treat them for a bacchanalian dinner. 45 minutes later, Angel arrived and the Pantene Girls was finally reunited.

Ang Lihim ni Antonio: Dark and Enlightening

Currently playing: "Bootie Call" by All Saints

When I read on the tabloid that one of the 2nd-run moviehouses here in Cebu's showing the film I rushed myself right away to watch the film regardless of the theater's dignity. I don't want to regret again for not watching "Ang Lalake sa Parola" which was also played on the same theater. Expect a place that's quite dark without aircondition for P80 premiere seat. You need to find a seat where the blower hit towards your direction for a breezer feeling, and make sure you're in the middle of somewhere where nobody would lurk around or passed infront of you every now and then. I suggest you sit behind the projector man right just upfront. I was just right on time when I got my seat, the projector man cut-off the loud intermission music and palys the LCD projector on.

The movie opens with Antonio's (Kenjie Garcia) narration about life's few choices and how he was named after a saint, Saint Anthony of Padua (San Antonio de Padua), the patron saint of lost items and travelers. He grew up under his mom's (Sharmaine Buencamino) love and care since his father left to work in Dubai for 7 years. Antonio is a picture of a normal teenager who's facing the issues of adolescence and subsequently got lost when he tries to find an answers on his own way.

When he had his first sexual encounter with his buddy, Nathan, who eventually stayed away from him after what happened, his bestfriend Mike (Jiro Manio) stood for him and has been supportive with Antonio who's now battling with identity crisis. Until he became sexually obsessed with his Uncle Junbert (Josh Ivan Morales) who latterly corrupted his mind. The movie has a tragic end though, which is the best way to end it and to get the moral of the story.

Lex Bonife and Joselito Altarejos geniusly put the film together with pure artistic intention and it's another taste of life's reality. If I am a highschool instructor, I would suggest to conduct a filmshowing of this movie in our school.

The creators of the film was able to convey a message that being gay, specially in the Philippines, is more of a choice in lifestyle. Personally, I was able to relate with the main character. It's like watching myself again and recalling all those childhood memories. As the trailer says, "naalala mo pa ba noong labinlimang taong gulang ka pa?". It's just that I was already sure that I'm a straight gay when I was 15. I guess my only issue then is whether I'd choose to be flambouyant or discreet. Well, for Antonio, he might get more confused now with so many labels of being gay in the country. "Lalo lang akong nalilito.", as what he told Mike on a scene where Mike was trying to explain to him about being homosexual. But I think, Antonio's bound to be bisexual, I mean the real bisexual, not a straight-acting gay or tripper. Come on!

Overall, the movie's excellent! Kudos again to Bonife and Altarejos. The actors were superb, a Frigid Jones Best Actress Trophy for Shamaine Buencamino, who I wanted to play as my mother if I'll turn my life into film. Buencamino's acting is totally amazing, her eyes speaks and haunting which blends well with Kenjie Garcia's deep and effective acting. I'm looking forward about the film's future in the film festivals.

Frigid Jones Rating: 9 premiere tickets. I'll treat 8 of my friends and I'll watch with them.

10 Stupid Questions I Hate to Answer Stupidly!

Currently playing: "Beautiful Liar" by Beyonce feat. Shakira

1. Are you gay?
am i?

2. Why are you gay?
why not?

3. When did you realize you're gay?
when did you realize you're stupid?

4. Do you like girls?
who doesn't?

5. Are you attracted with girls?
you were asking me if i'm a fag, now you're asking me if i'm a lesbian?

6. Do you masturbate?
do you eat?

7. How long have you been gay?
how long have you been living with stupidity?

8. Are you going to marry a woman someday?
when your mother burry you back to hell, then i'll marry your mother!

9. Have you tried doing "it" with a girl?
yes, to your mother!

10. do you suck cocks?
hrrrmmppp..... oh... i'm sorry... is this your cock?

now you get my answer!

My Valentine's Ditch!

Currently Playing: "Promiscous" by Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland

SPOTTED: F sleeping the entire Valentine's day. No date. Not here. As usual.

Eww! I don't go out for a date on Valentine's day. Ever. But I love going to Valentine concerts, dinner buffets and getting lots of Valentine freebies. I have nothing against celebrating Valentine's day. It's just that it's so-so like a corny of cornfield to be with your significant-other alone.

Until I got a post-valentine invitation for a "coffee-after-movie-after-dinner" from a stranger. Uh-h. Not really a stranger. He's working on the same company I'm with. But hello? It's like he's from KGB and I'm from SD6. There are 1 million employees in the office and that would still make him a stranger.

3 days ago, I received an email from an agent named Levy? Lenny? L..? Oh, I forgot. He was asking if I work for SD6. I did reply to that email. And our email conversation goes like this...

12Feb08

agent L: ei, you from SD6?

me: yes. why?


No reply. So I was left wondering who the hell is this guy. So, I asked A to send me his mugshot and when he did, never mind, I don't recognize the person. I was still left wondering who and why he suddenly emailed me. Scared? No, bothered. And I got paranoid for 11 hours.

Maybe he's one of those one-night bystanders I...

Isn't he the one I kissed in...

I think he's one of the...

Aaaaarrrgggghhh!!!


Until I cleared out my entire twisted memory that I never ever met this guy before.


However, I got his reply on the following day:


13Feb08

agent L: do you have plans for tomorrow night?

me: no. why?

agent L: somebody wants to meet you.

me: huh? who?


Again, he did not reply. Now, I'm wondering what's up with this agent's cashiew nuts? Am I getting a prank-spammer? Is Ashton Kutcher in the office? Oh, I'm meeting Ashton! No more paranoias and I'm no longer bothered. I have a huge feeling that this person is trying to set some punk-jokes. Ah! Valentine joke? Or is it already the April Fool's Day?

Y nada!

I was half-expecting that I'm going to get another email on the following day. I was right. But not from him. It's from another agent looped in to the original email. And the name is Josh.

14Feb08

Josh: Hi! I'm Josh. Are you free tonight?

I know the person but I haven't been introduced to him formally. We've bumped into each other in the office, or brushed elbows in parties, or crossed ways in the field, or got stucked on the same elevator, we already knew each other in the eye (haha! i don't know what to fill in here).

It took me an hour and 2 cups of coffee before I replied to him. Honestly, I was flattered when he popped the question. And I remember Ashton.


me: huh? i'm free. but not tonight. not on valentine's night! :p


Josh: Ok.


I always believe that the word "Ok" at the end of every conversation, be it on email, SMS, phone, transaction, etc., only signifies that it's the "End of the Story" or simply just an all "fine, whatever!" to dot.

But what's "OK" for me is not the "OK" for some other people.

15Feb08

Josh: valentine's over and The Eye's already showing. movie on a Friday night?


If this guy's just playing, then I'll play it harder.

me: sorry, got work tonight. you might wanna push it on Sat night?

Josh: sure! can i have your number?


Hmmm.... careful, careful F.

me: can i have yours instead?

Josh: 09xx-xxx-xxxx. can i expect for your SMS right after your shoot?

me: sure!


So F's got a late Valentine's date?

Post-Valentine's Ditch!

Currently Playing on mp3-codes.com: "Glamorous" by Fergie

Was 15 minutes late for work.
My current Supervisor,
Janry went to my desk and ask me if I was late again.

I looked at Kristel beside me winking her genuine thick eyelashes,
"Uhnnn...
No."

"Good!
So,
I was the only one who's late?"

I'm an hour and 20 minutes late for the entire 5-day-production this week.
Blame it on the ForceDesk for not giving me a time-off.
Been staying up so late recently, building a tomb where I can bury all my where-have-beens and whats-ups.
I'm also scratching a fiction.
Whooo...
this is one of my poetic days!
I'm a lazy writer and my writing has a very short span of collective popped-out thoughts.
And I get lost somewhere in the middle of my idea and get caught in between my imagination and blonde-bility.
I'm also recovering from my monroeic syndrome for the past few weeks not realizing that I'm starting to mess up my profile.
What am I talking about?